Hi, I am 25 years old and have just been prescribed risperdal For my severe auditory, visual, and tactile hallucinations from bipolar mania psychosis. I went to therapy today and explained about my previous week, full of terrifying and vivid hallucinations and the delusional State that followed- I did not believe my husband when he attempted to explain that I was hallucinating and was sure that he would have me institutionalized (yet again), when that wasn't the case.
For example: I actually believed that mirrors were a gateway to a different spirit plane and watched as a winged demon by the name of Riley Blue came through and attempted to claim my soul if he successfully persuaded me to commit suicide. I clawed my face up when he touched my cheek. Then came August, a feathered demon general, who lingered but never spoke. Soon my broken grandfather clock rang midnight, and from the clock face came my friend Polar, a green and purple catapillar who spoke kindly and had a knack to find lost items (he found my lost emerald earring and my daughter's special bracelet she had misplaced). I asked him for help with the previous two demons and he whistled, enlisting the aid of a purple mirror bubble named Ten (yes, the number).
All of this was so real, and no one could tell me different as I continued not to sleep and lived in my own crazy world. There were plenty more that happened, but I wanted to give detailed examples as it relates to WHY I was given risperdal. When my therapist heard this, she brought in my psychiatrist for a second opinion. She quickly wrote the prescription, adding to my already large legion of medicine for bipolar disorder and PTSD. I also take (wait for it)- lithium, depakote, klonopin, clonidine, seroquel, and prozac. I started having hallucinations at the age of five, watching a man pace around in my living room as though no one was there. They said it was PTSD. Then it was bipolar disorder. Then both, with a big ol' splash of psychosis and suicidal tendicies. I'm scared to take risperdal because I took it for hallucinations when I was 15, and I was on it for two weeks before running away - refusing to take it because of the "zombie effect". Yes, though it was a decade ago I am still reluctant to take it. Now comes the zinger- If it doesn't work to suppress my hallucinations and general psychosis, it's time to go back to the locked wards of the mental hospital for a evaluation and and a safe environment to put new meds in me.
As you can see, I am aware of reality now. The problem is.... for how long? I'm so very confused, both at my psyche that is steadily worsening with every passing month (I don't even know if I should be considered bipolar anymore) and also for my last hope a medication I can only vaguely remember in a negative manner. Please, I beg all of you, while I am alert and more sane than I have been for a while, tell me your experiences with risperdal with severe hallucinations and bipolar psychosis. And do my hallucinations sound like they are from being bipolar, or could it be from another diagnosis, such as schizophrenia? I have read all over the internet, and I haven't seen anything even remotely close to mine. Its scary, and the mirrors can't stay covered forever. I pray this will work where so many others have failed.... please, any help will be appreciated- your stories, your experiences. Thank you for taking the time to read this- sometimes I overdo it!
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